weread

dear tomk
thanks for the link to we read. now i will never forget a book i read and liked or disliked again. now i can look at all the books i've read and decide which i liked the best and which i want to check out at the library next time. thanks. i am really excited.!!!

www.weread.com

after the dirty shirt on the table rant, i found a pair of dirty underwear on the couch. sheesh.

nothing really...

i havent had too much to post and not too much time to post it. i feel like my every moment is used up. wake up, clean, wash the dishes, wash the clothes, cook food, entertain julian, get ready for work, work, sleep. and yet, i never seem to get anything done. there are always dirty dishes, wash, and the kitchen table makes me nuts. it seems to be this dumping place for everything. the other day i even found a dirty shirt laying on it. usually those end up on the couch or floor. and ye twe are supposed to eat there. dirty shirt and all. at least it wasnt underwear. that may have put me over the edge.

now i have to go gather the dirty wash and start again.

ok, so i never finished the slide show. so it kindly put some random photos there (without asking) and i haven't had the ambition to fix that. but i will someday. maybe tomorrow. who knows.

it doesntt happen often but i worked with a floating pharmacist that was fun to work with. we were singing terrible duets. what more could a terrible singer want than another terrible singer?

for ele #2

when i am at work if i were to pose a question about...well lets just use the age old "what is the meaning of life? why are we here?" or something along those lines-maybe like "what type of solution do you think will work for this recession? which tyoe of approach do you favor?"-something that required some sort of dialog without a real answer most of the people i work with would a)not even get involved because that sort of question involves thinking and they are either a.1)too wrapped up in their lives to think about what goes on around them a.2) not the brightest bulb in the bunch or b)not get involved because the question doesnt have a real answer and no concrete way to get there.

i dont work with a bunch of stupids like i have in other jobs in the past but i do work with quite a few people who are so wrapped up in themselves and their lives they fail to see beyond their bubble. which makes me want to pop it. bad. an shake them and say "HEY YOU!!! THERE IS MORE TO THIS WORLD THAN JUST YOU!!!"

which isnt to say i am any smarter than anyone but i do want to keep learning and keep my brain from atrophying (did i spell that right? i like that word) and drying up into a hunk of rusted grey matter. which would really be reddish matter if it was rusted. right?

but it is bed time. and ths is a weird tangent for which i dont really have the energy. i didnt really follow the thought pattern i had intended but it is late so i will use that as an excuse.

night

for ele

linear thinking
Part of Speech: n
Definition:
a process of thought following known cycles or step-by-step progression where a response to a step must be elicited before another step is taken

while i breifly tried to find a definition of non linear, i could not find one that suited my idea of non linear. but i think of it as being able to think about things in a circle rather than a straight line. i think that over simplifies it but i visualize it like this- there are 2 ways to take notes in a class. the linear thinker will do it in a fashion similar to what we have all been taught- idea 1, a. b. c. etc all in a line down the paper like an outline. non linear starts with the main concept in the center of the page circles it and then draws lines from the main concept to attach all the related ideas. in different colors. flying around all over the page but making perfect sense to them. too bad i dont still have my psych notebook. it wasn't exactly like this but similar. some day i will draw and photograph exactly what i mean. i wish i had known about this idea back in high school. it would have been so much better. but i think i am stuck somewhere in the middle. i like step by step but my step by steps have a lot of hidden staircases branching off- sometimes to somewhere and sometimes to no where.
maybe like this:
linear- first, do the dishes then wipe the table and counters next clean the stove then sweep and mop then move to the next room.
non linear- well maybe i will start the wash then start the dishes but while i am washing the dishes, i will take a break and pick up some toys and then i will switch teh wash and go back to the dishes. maybe next i will take out the trash and then finish the dishes and then scrub the tub..etc
either way, the job gets done but one will probably make the other crazy.
still not a perfect definiton of either but a place to start.

thoughts on the weather

yesterday, 80 glorious sunny perfect degrees.
today, 56 freezing, i cant get warm bone chilling degrees.
is it the huge range in temps that makes 56 seem cold? i remember in the spring (in WI) 56 felt like 72. and why does it seem to penetrate to my very core making me sleepy. all i want to do is snuzzle under a fuzzy blanket on the couch my sweatshirt should have been enough but i had to turn the heat all the way up in the car. i am starting to consider the idea that i am have a risidual "i don't feel too hot" side effect from my tetanus shot yesterday.
a cold shiver snakes down my spine as i type and i wiggle to try to warm up my back. i hate it especially when my back gets cold. maybe since it is such a large surface area. i think i will head to the hot shower and warm up a bit. brrrr....

what happens to those thoughts?

often when i am at work a strange philosophical type question will pop into my head. and i think, i will store this for later thought/blogging. and then i lose it. i dont even bother posing these questions at work since all the smart people i work with are smart in a linear way. and everyone else is just stupid. plus, counting drugs takes too much concentration to speak of anything other than idle gossip and bullshit. so anyway, i get home and think to blog some thoughts and such but i find i have forgotten them. grr. i am going to start carrying a notebook just for this purpose.

after suffering a minor distraction from some music, i am back to this blog. tomk loaded me up with so much music i think if i listened every day i will never get through it. but i busted out the external hard drive so miss m could hear where the music she likes really comes from. she seriously thought that kid rock sang sweet home alabama. he samples it and sings about it but i had to set her straight. with the peanuts theme song, too. kids. sheesh.

today at the dr (pronounced drrr, not doctor) i got the excercise lecture. it went something like this- high end normal fasting blood sugar blah blah insulin resistance blah blah family history blah blah indicators for future problems blah blah. in the end it was this- apparently cardio excercise increases lean muscles sensitivity to insulin. which is a good thing since then the body does not have to make as much to carry the sugar where it needs to go. at least i think thats what she said. so starting tuesday, i am going for 4 days of at least half an hour. i hate cardio. as much as i love mt dew which i have decided to give up as well. no caffine by julians birthday is the goal. gad. i love mt dew and i live on caffine. i hope that after i am off the caffine i wont feel like i need it as much. caffine is americas number 1 mood altering drug. 9 out of 10 people use it. i am an addict.

time to hit the shower. my day started at 530 after only 3ish hours of sleep. a hot shower is just what i need.

good night

ps here is something cute just cause i love julian....

an experiment...

this is my photo experiment. what better experiment picture than julian being introspective.

hmmm....shall i watch spongebob or thomas?

woops. the other day, take 2

the other day on the way to work, i was phoneless. usually the drive to and fro is when i "keep up wit da peeps" but i had absentmindedly left said tele next to leaky dish drainer. so any way, i turned on kut- the npr station here in austin. usually at that time of day, terri gross is interviewing someone i have never heard of. i usually enjoy it so when i heard a mans voice i was a bit confused so i listened a little bit more. apparently, terri gross is on vacation so they substituted a show called radio lab. move over, terri. i loved the bit that i got to hear. i didnt want to go into work. i am a nerd and they were talking about choices and why we make the choices we do and studies on making choices. so i downloaded some more to listen to. which makes me wish i had a mp3 player hookup in my car so i could listen while i drive when i wanted. any way, check this out...
http://www.wnyc.org/shows/radiolab/

the other day...

10 things

since we are focusing on being happy, here are my 10 things from today -great idea tomk! i think it is a good idea to look at what makes us happy
1. awesome hamburger for dinner
2. day off today
3. nice weather today
4. i took a nap
5. julian asking for a new word
6. hanging out with julian and nemecio
7. cool breeze in my bedroom
8. talking to mom for an hour about nothing
9. i will be going to bed early
10. seeing julian act like mario-sound effects included

i could have kept going but i think these are my top 10...

day off

oh glorious day off. cloudy with a light breeze and cool but not too cool. not doing anything besides hanging out with julian, ahhhhhhhh. we took a walk and learned about crossing at the crosswalk and pushing the buttons and the walk signals. apparently the idea of walking down a busy street quite novel for julian and he spent a lot of the walk looking behind him at the cars that were coming. let me just say i love texas winter weather (most of the time)

grumpy hangover

being grumpy is exhausing. despite sleeping 7+ hours (my average), i am exhausted today. not nearly as grumpy but it is still clinging there a bit. i will try to shake it off with a hot shower and a nap later. i can see why grumpy people stay grumpy. it takes a lot of emotional energy to stay mad all of the time and then you're tired and cant figure out why so you're even grumpier. it is a trap. i guess one would have to make a point to not be grumpy to get out of the trap. but then one would have to realize they are a grumpy sort of person and it has been my experience that grumpy people are not the type of people to be seeking the path to self realizaion. yet another trap. so anyway, i will make a choice later not to be grumpy and see how it goes. i say later because i am at home and here there is not too much to set of the avalanche of grumps. how many times can one say grumpy with out it sounding ridiculous, anyway????????????????????
thanks julian for all the question marks.

i got the grumps

oh grumpy day from where did you hail? i wish you to get away. you make my forehead wrinkle and co-workers wonder why i am not singing. my eyes hurt and my throat is tight. frustration is like a barrier for all tasks -is it the problem or a symptom? my bed is calling like a siren on the sea looking for a sailor to enthrall. normal things which normally cause me no concern infuriate me on this grumpy of grumpy days. i dont think it started out like this but it has arrived like a storm ahead of a cold front. torrential rain, wind, lightning, thunder and of course, tornados. my storm drains cant keep up. maybe once the cold front arrives it will be like a breath of fresh air. go away grumpy day. ppppbbbbllltt

sprint sucks

so i checked my credit report. i am kind of anal about this since i want to buy a house (someday) and especially now i will need a good credit rating. any who, i checked it and there was a collection from sprint. from 2007. so i was confused- i havent had a sprint accountsince 2005. so i contested the collection and they sent me a letter saying that it was indeed from me and a copy of the invoice. the address matched but the time frame didnt. so i called harvard collections. they kindly explained to me that this was actually from august of 03-which made sense since i changed my service at that time. they sent it to the creditor in jan 04 and harvard collections actually got the acount in 07. they also explained that sprint and verizon automatically send your last bill to the creditor after you cancel or change your services. in my case, i went to an account through work. she also said that in many cases, sprint wont even send a copy of your last bill. what the *&^% is up with that? good news, since i paid the bill, within 30 days, the collection will be off my credit report. thank you. but really. is that even fair? messing up peoples credit and not even giving them a chance to pay the bill. i am sure i never got a last bill from that account. i am good about paying my bills on time. thats something i dont mess around with. any how, ele, sprint does indeed suck.

dream sequence #1

i am starting fom 1 for my dreams, i like to tell about the weird dreams i have so here i go:

i am driving, it is night. i realize i have been driving and i am headed for texas. but i am on an unfamiliar road. suddenly it turns to gravel. i can see the highway but can't seem to access it. i am not sure how long i have been driving. i drive under an underpass and i see i can get on the highway if i drive through some big sand piles where they are apparently building an on ramp. i think the car will get stuck so i get out and pick the car up over the sand piles and on to the side of the highway. there is a horse drawn carriage, some regular traffic and a guy walking his dog. he stops and offers assisance. while we are talking and deciding what to do, i see a tow truck has arrived to tow my car. i argue with the tow truck man because i was just about to move my car and i had not been there for more that 10 minutes. he says since the cops called him he had to take it. suddenly some of his female friends show up and distract him so i decide to just hop in my car and drive away. it is now early morning. i am driving and confused about where i am. i realize that i am driving my moms car but it isnt (you know how that is in dreams) but it is very similar to mine. there is no map (very weird for moms car) so we- because suddenly nemecio and monica are along) stop at the next gas station. while monica pumps gas, we talk about where we are. we are on the exas/oklahoma border and apparently i had been driving since wisconsin. i admit that i dont remember any of it and start freaking out. like a lost time incident. i said "but i stopped and pumped gas and drove and dont remember it!!??" nemecio then took over driving and we were in some big pile of highways and then i woke up...

so i just googled "jankin" -which i usually use as my online nickname- out if sheer curiosity
check this out
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jankin

and also, jankin is a pest control company. hmmmm

i am obsessed. i feed the birds every other day and i am getting to know the habits of the cardinals that eat from the plate on my porch. the largest one is very vocal and will let me know if there is no food. he will also chase away any smaller bird at "his" dish. there is one female and at least one smaller male who will share the dish with the other birds. there is a variety of smaller birds, i am not sure which kinds they are. if i had to guess, some are finches but the others i am not sure on. i may get a dish of niger thistle for those guys. if i fail to feed them they will clean up all of the scattered food off the porch and out of the sandbox. they seem to enjoy the sand box- the other day i saw some of the smaller birds tossing sand around in there. crazy. maybe i will get a small dish for water....